I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
