My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
