:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
