I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
