I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
