You really coming over, don't trick.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
