i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
