Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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