16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
