you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
