he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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