Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
