I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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