i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize