I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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