he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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