Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
