feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
