My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize