Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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