Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How does one acquire holy water?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
