I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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