My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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