Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
