I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
