It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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