What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
