I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
