Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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