The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
