My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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