i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
