party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
