shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
