Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
