I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
love makes seman taste better
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
