so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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