My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize