I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize