Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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