Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
