i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
