I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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