i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
