Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
