is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
