R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
