Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
