My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
