I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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