I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
