i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
