How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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