There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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