my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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