she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
