My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize