sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
