im drinking this country out of the recession.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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