Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
