First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
