$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize