New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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