I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
