So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Randomize
