you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
