You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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