i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize