So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
