420 ftw
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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