So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
