Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
