All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
