He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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